So many people believe that the only measure of a good sex life is how often it occurs. The number of times per day/week/month/year is all they notice. But so many couples are out there hurting and grieving over something that is so easily attainable right in front of them. They are missing the point that there is way more to sex than the frequency with which penetration or orgasm occurs. They forget that they were in madly in love once, and forgot that it was extremely satisfying to make out, kiss, hug, touch, massage, go on a date, etc. They lose the spark over time. It often goes something like this:
She loses interest in sex because she is so busy taking care of the kids, work and home, or she is menopausal so her desire is naturally less due to hormones and dryness. He keeps pressuring her to have sex which pushes her further and further away. They both become anxious at the thought of initiating sex. On occasion she will take a chance to give a kiss, but is afraid that a kiss will lead to sex – because it has been their routine for years. He feels neglected, undesirable and unloved. Then he has an occasional problem with erections which further drives a wedge between the couple since now she thinks she is no longer attractive to him. And we are off to the races.
What so many couples fail to realize is that there is more to love, intimacy, trust and pleasure than the simple act of penetrating a woman’s vagina. Penetration might be only one small part of Making Love. Loving another means to accept his/her limitations with grace and ease. It means there is a gentle loving caress and a comfort with being together, holding hands, hugging and kissing each other. It is extremely important to share your feelings and create a safe space to play together well before you can re-learn how to have great sex together.
Often the simple solution that couples devise is to choose one night for her needs with romance, attention, caressing, kissing, and massaging – which stops there. They balance that out with one night for him that they decide together beforehand will include penetration and/or orgasm. At first, setting the expectations and sticking to the program will hopefully help keep hurt feelings from happening. After success with these small steps, they then can branch out and be creative.
Making Love is so much more.