BDSM is a relatively new term coined for Bondage & Discipline, Dominant & Submissive, and Sado-Masochism. It has also been called Kink, Leather, and other endearing terms. I have had an amazing academic opportunity to learn from some of the most famous players and authors in this culture. I have gained a new perspective from various people from a wide variety of backgrounds as to what their view of their Kinky Sex lives means to them. I am happy to share this info with you so that you can decide for yourself what is okay.

This community of people has mixed feelings about the book/movie “50 Shades”. One good thing is that it is raising awareness of this segment of our population who enjoy sex with restraints, spanks, floggers and other props. The unfortunate thing is that the main character, Mr. Grey, does not behave in the respectable and caring way that most in the BDSM community prefer.

Their philosophy is that everything is done for the pleasure of the RECIPIENT. It is a role play scene of trust and surrender which feels erotic and satisfying to all. The receiver sets the tone, decides what is okay and not; and the giver is responsible for keeping things SAFE.

This can involve tickling, caressing with a feather, spanking, handcuffs, or other restraints. Pain may or may not be part of it, depending on the individual’s preference. And most who enjoy BDSM feel that ‘pain’ is not ‘suffering’, it is simply another form of special stimulation to other body parts giving an endorphin release (like a natural runner’s high) .

So weather you are a Vanilla person who likes to dabble a little in the risqué and taboo, or you are a person who enjoys some pain sometimes, it is all meant to be respectful and in the name of role play and personal, private enjoyment between interested adults. Stay open to the possibilities . . .   who knows what you might enjoy if you relax and play a little . . .