Some people define themselves and their sexual orientation as “Asexual”, meaning they have no interest in practicing any level of sexual activity. As humans we are intrinsically sexual beings, but may naturally have no interest, or can choose to ignore that part of ourselves, or may even have an aversion to genital contact. This may be temporary, situational, due to prior trauma, or may engulf a woman for her whole life. Some women consider it a problem, some don’t.
I see women every single day in the office who state: “I never think of sex.”, “I could go the rest of my life never having sex again and be very happy!”, or “I never want sex again”. They seem to be asking for permission to not have sex. So here it is: A person never has to have sex if she does not want to. But the trouble comes when her Intimate Partner DOES want to have sexual encounters. This is the place where relationship counseling, improved communication, and problem-solving skills are needed to create an acceptable solution.
AVEN is an online resource and support community found at www.asexuality.org. AVEN helps people come to terms with their feelings. They define ‘asexual’ as a person who ‘does not experience any sexual attraction’. However, it is very important to note that this does not preclude the person from being a loving, romantic, devoted spouse or intimate partner. It is not a statement of warmth or comment on personality. It is simply a descriptor of another valid form of Sexual Orientation.
Asexuality differs from Celibacy in that celibates embrace themselves as sexual beings but choose to not act on those feelings for religious or other reasons. An asexual person tends to not have any sexual desires, interest or actions toward themselves or another. This can be very liberating for some women who prefer to concentrate more on other endeavors in their life without the distraction that sex can bring.
Some older women are very happy with their lives and experience great relief knowing that choosing not to have Intercourse is a viable option for them. Even in the context of a marriage, platonic love, friendship and companionship are more important to some couples. Other women find this feeling upsetting in the context of an otherwise healthy relationship.
Either way, Sexual Counseling helps a woman create peace around this concept and acceptance of her body’s limitations, who she is and what she wants. OR through medical and psychological interventions, she can rekindle desire, reduce pain, and improve sexual function with some simple changes in thoughts and activities. As always she has a choice!